I got a reference for the book Magic Words by Jonah Berger from the SII Wharton executive program. This book uncovers the hidden science behind how language works and how we can use it effectively to persuade others and deepen relationships.
There are six types of magic words:
- Activate Identity and Agency: Words suggest who is in charge and what it means to engage in a particular action. Consequently, slight changes in the words we use can have a big impact:
- Turn actions into identities: Turn the verb (“Will you help”) into a noun (“Will you be my helper?”). Framing actions as opportunities to confirm desired identities will encourage people to go along.
- Change can’t to don’t: Saying “I don’t” instead of “I can’t” increases our feeling of empowerment and makes us more likely to achieve our goals.
- Turn should to could: When we want our group to be more creative to solve a tough problem, rather than asking “What we should do?”, ask “What we could do?”. This encourages divergent thinking and helps us get out of that rut.
- Talk to ourself: Nervous about a big presentation or trying to psych ourselves up for a big interview – talking to ourself in third person (“You can do it”) distances us from the tough situation, reducing anxiety and increasing performance.
- Pick the right pronoun: Whether trying to get someone’s attention or avoid confrontation, think carefully about how to use pronouns like “I” or “you”. They can draw attention and take ownership, but they also suggest responsibility and blame.
- Convey confidence: Words do more than just convey facts and opinions. They signal how confident communicators are in the facts and opinions they are expressing. Consequently, words influence how we are perceived and the impact of what we say.
- Ditch the hedges: When the goal is to convey confidence, avoid words and phrases like “may”, “could”, “I think” and “In my opinion” which suggest that things and people saying them are uncertain.
- Use definitives: Words like “definitely”, “clearly” and “obviously” suggest whatever we say is not just an opinion but an irrefutable truth.
- Don’t hesitate: Fillers in speech like “um” and “uh” are natural parts of speech but too many of them can undermine people’s confidence in us and our message.
- Turn pasts into presents: Using present tense (like “I love that book” instead of “I loved that book”) can communicate confidence and increase persuasion.
- Know when to express doubt: While seeming to be certain of often beneficial, if we want to show we are open-minded, receptive to opposing viewpoints or aware of nuances, expressing doubt can help.
- Ask the right questions: Questions help us collect information, communicate things about us, direct the flow of conversations and build social bonds. Consequently, we need to understand which questions to ask and when to ask them.
- Ask for advice: Not only does it garner useful insights, it makes us seem smarter as well.
- Follow up questions: They show we are listening, interested and care enough to learn more.
- Deflect difficulty: When someone asks an unfair question, asking a related one back allows us to direct the conversation in a different direction, showing interest while keeping personal information private.
- Avoid assumptions: When trying to get people to divulge potentially negative information, be careful of questions that assume things away.
- Start safe, then build: To deepen social relationships or turn strangers into friends, start simple and build from there encouraging reciprocal self-disclosure.
- Leverage concreteness: Talking abstractly when we know a lot about something results in communicating in a high-level way and misses the mark. Consequently, we need the harness the power of linguistic concreteness.
- Make people feel heard: Paraphrase with specific details that show we paid attention and understood.
- Be concrete: Use words that listeners can see in their mind. Its a lot easier to imagine a red sportscar than ideation.
- Know when it is better to be abstract: If our goal is to come off as powerful or make something seem like it has growth potential, using abstract language is better.
- Focus on the why: Thinking about the reasoning behind something helps things stay high level and communicate that big picture.
- Employ emotion: Telling stories is the best way to grab people’s attention and have them remember our message.
- Highlight the hurdles: As long as we are already seen as competent, revealing past shortcomings can make people like us even more.
- Build a roller coaster: The best stories blend highs and lows. Talking about failures along the way make the successes even more sweet.
- Mix up moments: The same intuition applies to moments as well.
- Consider the context: Emotional language can help in hedonic domains like movies and vacations but backfire in more utilitarian domains like job applications and software.
- Connect, then solve: Start with warmer, more emotional to set things up for the more cognitive, problem-solving discussions that come later.
- Activate uncertainty: Evoking uncertain emotion like surprise will keep people engaged.
- Harness similarity and differences:
- Signal similarity: When familiarity is useful or fitting in is the goal, similar language can help. Using the same nomenclature employed by leaders to communicate vision will signal alignment.
- Drive differences: If we are doing a job in which creativity, innovation or stimulation is valued, standing out might be better.
- Plot the right progression: When telling stories, start slow to make sure the audience is onboard before speeding up to increase excitement.
Magic Words by Jonah Berger is an insightful exploration of how subtle shifts in language can create profound effects. By activating identity, conveying confidence, asking the right questions, leveraging concreteness, employing emotion, and harnessing similarity and differences, we can transform our communication to achieve better outcomes and build stronger connections. Whether in professional settings or personal relationships, the book provides actionable advice to harness the true power of words.